Grief solitude is real! Grief is lonely. It’s not enough that the depths of grief can knock you to your knees in both mental anguish and physical pain, it’s profusely isolating.
After losing my daughter in 2010, I could never seem to find the words to accurately describe how I was feeling. So, I simply said nothing. Despite my loved ones desperately wanting to support me, I just couldn’t talk. I simply was not in my “normal” or “right” frame of mind. Of course I wasn’t. The entire world was still moving about its’ business around me and in front of me, and all I wanted to do was walk out in front of a moving bus.
Then a stranger reached out to tell me, “I, too, lost my daughter, I know how you feel, and I’m here to tell you that you’re going to be OK.” Finally someone got it. And I didn’t have to say much of anything. She just got it. She was ahead of me in her grief journey; she did and still does represent hope for me.
While every loss has different circumstances and details and our relationships are unique with those we have lost, you may find it comforting to reach out to people who are also on the grief journey.
Here are a few ideas for you –
- Facebook Groups – Join a closed Facebook group of grieving mothers or parents such as Mothers talk group about losing a child! or GTU FOR GRIEVING PARENTS. As with numerous other Facebook grief groups, these two groups are “closed,” which in Facebook-world means no one will see your posts to the group except for those in the group. This can be an extremely healthy outlet, allowing you to express yourself – even your dark thoughts and numb emotions with others on the grief journey.
- Grief Groups – Consider attending a grief group such as one using The Grief Recovery Method or one that is targeted toward the type of loss you are experiencing, such as The Compassionate Friends for those who have lost children. I fully acknowledge that actually taking the necessary steps to attend an in-person group can be quite difficult. The opportunity to connect with others, however, may be worth trying.
If you just do not feel like reaching out to others – whether virtually or in-person – is right for you at this time, I encourage you to find a healthy way to express your grief. Keeping it inside will just eat you up. I know. Here are Four Ways to Express your Grief.
And just a quick word on my friend. We each had an additional child; my daughter’s middle name is her deceased daughter’s name. Being busy mothers and professionals, while we can go weeks without talking, when we do connect, it doesn’t matter how much time has passed – We get it and we’re each just a little less lonely.