Some days the weight of grief is heavier than other days, and on those days, you just want to roll up in a tight ball in a dark corner, can’t speak, and let the tears flow and pour.
And you don’t wake up from sleep thinking that it’s going to be one of those days; it just comes and hits usually from nowhere expected. The painful and tragic what-ifs and the should-haves consume your thoughts and for a while you live in the past when you were naïve and foolishly believed bad things happen to other people never to you. Those are the easy days you long for because today you know all too well that your entire world can crash around you in one mere moment and nothing ever, ever will be the same.
And on these days, when the grief is a physical presence standing and stomping on your chest, blocking your vision with its weight, you take deep breaths, over and over, and try with everything you have to remember the blessings… They are there, surrounding you. You must force your eyes to look.